Baby Momma Drama

Book 3: Man's World Series

by Carl Weber

Genres: Family Life

Synopsis

National best-selling author of Married Men (CF016) and a recipient of the Blackboard Bookseller of the Year Award, Carl Weber is popular for his passionate modern love stories. In Baby Momma Drama, sisters Jasmine and Stephanie struggle to understand the complicated relationships they have with the men in their lives. Luckily, they’ve got each other to turn to when the going gets tough.

Release date: June 1, 2015

Publisher: Kensington Books

Print pages: 384

Sample

My neck was stiff from sleeping the wrong way most of the bus ride, but I didn’t let that bother me. The only thing I was really concerned about was that my hair was gonna look like shit from leaning up against the fogged-up window. Lord, please don’t let my hair be messed up. My hair is my strength, kinda like Samson. When my hair is a wreck, I’m a wreck. But as much as I hated what these long trips did to my hair, the thought of seeing Derrick every weekend was the only thing keeping me together. Yes, I hated the fact that it was Thanksgiving Day and I’d be missing my mom’s smoked-turkey dinner. And the Lord knows I didn’t wanna hear my sister Stephanie or my grandmother, Big Momma, about me missing all my family from out of town for the second year in a row. But Derrick was my man, and he had to come first no matter what.

I met Derrick about four and a half years ago. At the time I was working in the downtown Richmond, Virginia, branch of the Post Office as a clerk. When he walked into the lobby my tongue nearly fell out of my mouth. He was so fine in that designer suit, I wanted to jump across the counter and tongue him down. Six foot one inch tall with an olive complexion highlighted by blue-green bedroom eyes, and hair black as coal, with big, soft curls. His face was narrow, with two of the cutest dimples I’d ever seen. He wasn’t just fine. He was fiiine! And I wasn’t the only one licking my lips. Every woman in the lobby was staring him down, even the stuck-up old woman who always complained about our service. When he walked up to the front of the line, he must have known I was looking, ’cause he gave me a smile that could have melted Mr. Freeze’s heart.

“Can I help you?” I blushed, practically begging him to come over to my counter.

“I’d like to mail this priority.” He leaned over the counter with a seductive stare. I looked down at the package and noticed that it had a large white label with a James Center law office as a return address.

Damn, fine and a lawyer! I think I’ve died and gone to heaven, were the only thoughts I could muster at the time.

“I’m a lawyer,” he said, showing me those gorgeous teeth as if he was reading my mind. “My name’s Derrick Winter.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Winter. My name’s Jasmine. Jasmine Winter. Oh, my God, I mean Jasmine Johnson.” I couldn’t help but blush again.

“Well, Jasmine Johnson, you taking time off your super-modeling job or what? ’Cause baby, I’ve never seen a post office clerk look as good as you.”

I know it was just a line, but the way he said it made me turn three different shades of red. Not only was he gorgeous, he had a way with words that made me weak. He eased me into small talk so smoothly that I ended up talking to him for five minutes at my counter. Somehow, small talk became an invitation to dinner, and a post office line full of angry customers. When I saw my supervisor walk into the building, I jotted down my address and phone number so he could pick me up later that night, and watched the man of my dreams walk away.

It took me almost two hours to get ready for dinner that night, and Derrick, unlike most brothers I’d dated, was on time. There I was, standing in front of the bathroom mirror with a curling iron in my hair, trying to decide if I should open the door or just let him wait until my hair was done. I decided on the latter and ran to the front door, shouting.

“Just a minute, I’m still getting dressed!” I ran back to the bathroom and my curling iron, praying he would understand.

I don’t know how long I left him outside, but he was the perfect gentleman when I let him in. He just smiled at me with those pearly white teeth while I admired his dimples.

“Damn, baby, if I’d known you were going to look this good, I could have waited outside all night.” He smiled seductively, looking me up and down.

I spun around so he could see all the curves that my tight-fitting mini dress would reveal. Taking my hand, he led me out the door to his Porsche and whisked me away to The Tobacco Company, one of Richmond’s nicest restaurants for dinner and atmosphere.

Derrick treated me like such a lady that night. When we arrived at The Tobacco Company, he wouldn’t even let me order. It was as if he knew exactly what was right for me from that point on. We ate shrimp scampi and drank Moët till I was silly drunk, then we walked over to the club After Six and danced until they were ready to close. Derrick was having such a good time, he bribed the owner and DJ into staying open an extra half hour. It was the most perfect evening I’ve ever had, and quite honestly the most fun I’ve had in my adult life. It was as if that perfect date would never end. By the time I awoke from my fairy tale, it was two weeks later and we were a couple. A month later, he’d moved in.

Derrick had shown me romance in ways I’d never dreamed of, showering me with diamonds and furs. He even bought me a new car. There is no question that those were the happiest six months of my life, and if you knew my life, you’d know happiness was rare. Yeah, those were happy times, all right. That is, until Big Momma got involved. God, I remember it like it was yesterday. Big Momma was at the house eating dinner when Derrick looked at his watch.

“I’ve got to go to court,” he said, kissing me as he got up and put on his sport coat.

“What kind of lawyer did you say you were?” Big Momma asked him with that tone she used when she thought we were lying.

“I’m a defense attorney. I do mostly legal aid work through the night courts,” he answered, no doubt expecting Big Momma to shut up. But he didn’t know Big Momma at all. She never said anything unless she was going to make a point.

“Ohhhh, so that’s why you leave my grandbaby every night and don’t come home until the wee hours of the morning?”

She lit a cigarette, and that scared the hell outta me. ’Cause when Big Momma lit a cigarette, one thing was for certain: trouble was about to raise its ugly head.

“Big Momma, why you askin’ Derrick all these questions?” I interrupted.

“Hush, child. Let the boy answer for himself. He’s a grown man.” She smirked at Derrick. “Well, Derrick, is that why you leave my grandbaby all alone at night?” I could see Derrick sensed trouble, but he still played it pretty cool.

“Yes, ma’am, night court doesn’t close until four o’clock in the morning.”

I sighed with relief. Big Momma was up to something, but Derrick seemed up to the task.

“So I guess you know Judge Jackson and Judge Jones?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’ve had a chance to be in both their courtrooms quite a few times,” Derrick answered with confidence, although he did look a little agitated.

“Then how come neither of them seem to know you? They both belong to my bridge club, and I asked about you.” Big Momma tilted her head as she released the smoke from her lungs.

“Well, there’s a lot of lawyers in Richmond, especially in night court. You know the night court judges are pretty busy men.” Derrick was visibly nervous as he glanced back and forth from Big Momma to me. “They probably don’t pay attention to a young lawyer like me.”

“That’s not what Judge Jones said. He told me that night court was actually a very small world and he made it his business to know every lawyer that came into his courtroom.” Big Momma took a long drag on her cigarette, then blew the smoke in Derrick’s face. “How old are you, young man?”

“Twenty-four,” he answered meekly.

“And how old were you when you finished college?” I could see Derrick doing the math in his head.

“Twenty-two.” It sounded almost like a question rather than a statement.

“Lord have mercy. Either you’re the smartest man in the world or the dumbest! ’Cause in addition to college, law school takes three years to complete, and your math don’t add up.” Big Momma shook her head and stared Derrick in the face. “Now, young man, what do you really do for a living?”

Derrick was so embarrassed that he walked straight out the door without saying another word. I got up from my chair to chase him, but Big Momma grabbed my arm.

“Child, if I told you and your sister once, I told you a thousand times. A good man is hard to find, and that is not a good man.” I sat down reluctantly and listened to her lecture.

Derrick didn’t return home for three days, and I was sick to my stomach with worry. It didn’t matter what Big Momma said; it didn’t matter what anyone said. Derrick was a good man. He was probably just a night watchman or factory worker who got caught up in a lie he couldn’t get himself out of. I promised myself right then and there that if God sent him home to me, I would forgive all his lies and be supportive in whatever he really did for a living. But I must admit I never expected what he would finally tell me.

“Hey, baby,” he mumbled, walking past me into the bedroom. I followed behind him and sat on the bed as he opened the closet and pulled out his suitcase.

“What’s that for?” I asked, taking the suitcase out of his hands.

He looked at me like I’d just asked the craziest question.

“You’re not leaving me, Derrick. I love you too much to let you leave me.”

“Look, Jazz, I’m not a lawyer. I’m the furthest thing from a lawyer.” I could see he was embarrassed.

“I know, and I don’t care if you’re not a lawyer. You lied to impress me? Well, baby, I’m impressed. Not with you being a lawyer, but with you as a man. I love you, Derrick. I just want to be with you.” I walked over and placed my arms around him.

“Jasmine, I love you, too.” He hesitated before continuing. “But baby, I’m a hustler, a drug dealer. When you first met me I was leaving my lawyer’s office trying to beat a possession charge. My lawyer asked me to do him a favor and mail a package.”

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t shocked. For some stupid reason, I never even imagined that he could possibly be a drug dealer. I suppose the tons of cash he always carried should have tipped me off, but I was blinded by my love for this man. He always seemed so mature, nothing like those roughneck gangbangers whose pants hung halfway down their backsides. I looked up at him. Nothing about him said “drug dealer.”

“Our whole relationship is built on a lie, Jasmine.” He reached for the suitcase.

“That’s not true. Our relationship is built on love.” I felt compelled to reassure him of my love. So without thinking or caring I said, “If you’re a drug dealer, Derrick, then so be it. Just make sure you’re the boss and not some unimportant street-corner gangbanger. Be the best drug dealer you can be, ’cause I don’t want my man to be anything but the best.” I could see the shock on his face as I pulled him onto the bed. We made love right there, sealing a relationship that would end up with Derrick spending three years of his life behind bars and me traveling up every weekend to see him.

I was stunned out of my thoughts when the PA system for the bus blared, the driver’s voice announcing that we had arrived at Roanoke Regional Prison. As usual, I got the chills when I looked at the tall, castlelike structure of the prison. This place gave me the creeps. Thank God Derrick only had six months to go.

It took almost an hour before I finally reached the visiting room. By then I was dying to see him. I smiled, eagerly telling the captain I was signing in to visit Derrick Winter. A brief look of jealousy came across his face but disappeared just as quickly. I bet he was wondering why a five-foot-eight-inch-tall, caramel-colored Tyra Banks look-alike would be visiting a convicted drug dealer. Well, it was none of his fucking business. I hated black correction officers more than any law enforcement officers, mostly because of the stories of abuse Derrick had told me. They always seemed to be harder on the black inmates because they needed to prove to the white officers that they weren’t cut from the same cloth. I wanted them all to know that someone like me was out of their class.

The captain flipped through his book, managing to keep one eye on my chest at all times before he found Derrick’s sign-in page. He smirked as he handed me a pen. I almost cursed out loud right then and there when I looked down at the sheet. There on the sign-in sheet for the previous day was Wendy Wood’s name. She was Derrick’s baby’s momma, and I couldn’t stand that bitch. She’d been trying to take Derrick away from me ever since we started goin’ together. I sighed heavily, tempted to turn around and not visit him at all, though I quickly changed my mind. I had traveled three hours to see him, so I was going to stick around to have the satisfaction of cursing his ass out. I stalked into the visiting room and found Derrick sitting at a table, waiting for me.

Even in those orange prison overalls he was so damn fine. I almost wanted to forgive him for Wendy’s little visit. But I couldn’t let him get away with that. I had made too many trips to see him and brought too many pairs of sneakers, not to mention the two and a half years of celibacy I was going through. He wasn’t gonna play me, especially not for that big-ass, weave-wearing bitch he had a baby with. Hell, no!

“Damn, baby, you think you could look any better? Every week you seem to get finer and finer. Mmm, mmm, mmm, come ’ere and give your man a kiss.” He smiled flirtatiously, and I almost melted at the sight of his gorgeous dimples.

He was doing it to me. He was making me blush even though I was mad at him. God, I hated the power he had over me. I was mad. He had done me wrong. Nonetheless, a smile was creeping over my face and I was about to give in as I felt his hands wrap around my waist.

“What the fuck was Wendy doing here?” I pushed him away as I regained my resolve. I could have plenty of attitude when I wanted, and I needed it then. I had to, because he was going to kiss me, and if he did it would have been all over. “I asked you a question, Derrick! What the fuck was Wendy doing here?” He raised his eyebrows in surprise, then looked around to see who was watching.

“Sit down and I’ll tell you,” he ordered me through gritted teeth. “What you tryin’a do, make me look like a punk?” He guided me into a chair.

“This had better be good, Derrick, or this is the last time I bring my black ass to visit you.” I sat down but wouldn’t let him touch me. My hands were trembling with anger.

Derrick was silent for a minute. I was tempted to slap him across that pretty-ass face of his, but I waited for his explanation. Finally, he spoke in a whisper.

“A couple o’ the fellas and I started a little business selling weed to the other inmates. Part of our agreement was that each of us would recruit someone to bring weed up to us each month. Now, baby, you’re my woman, so there was no way I was gonna ask you. I don’t want you gettin’ into no trouble.” He smiled.

“But Derrick, why did you have to ask her? You know I can’t stand that bitch.” I was indignant.

“Because she’s stupid enough to do it. Wendy’s not smart like you, baby. She’s nothing but a ho from the street. You’re a college-educated woman.”

He covered his face up with his hands. I wasn’t sure, but I think he was trying to hide some tears. I hated times like this. The last thing I wanted was for my man to feel like he was less than a man.

“Jazz, I love you, baby. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about you coming up here to see me.” He reached over and touched my hand. “I’m just using Wendy so I can do business. She brought me two ounces of weed yesterday. Do you know how much that’s worth in here?”

I didn’t care how much it was worth. I didn’t like it. Derrick only had six months left to see the parole board. If he got caught, they’d give him another two years as sure as I was looking at him.

“Derrick, this is stupid. You have more than enough money in your commissary. Why do you have to do this?”

“Baby, I can make twenty grand easy in the next six months. I’ll be able to start up a legit business with that kind of cash.” His eyes lit up.

“I thought you were going to college. We don’t need any money. I’m making good money now that they made me supervisor at the post office.”

“Hey, lemme decide what’s right for us. I am supposed to be the man in this relationship, right?” He waited for an answer. “Right, Jasmine?”

I nodded my head weakly.

“Now, that’s my girl.” His voice brightened as he changed the subject. “Come gimme a kiss.” He opened his arms, and I went to him. I sat on his lap and just melted against his chest. Suddenly, Wendy and her little visit were the last things on my mind.

“I miss you, Derrick. I can’t wait till you’re at home.”

“Baby, not as much as I miss you.” He kissed me, and I held on tight. I didn’t want to ever let him go, but the captain had a different idea. He interrupted us with a loud bang on the table with his nightstick.

“Winter, you know the rules. No physical contact after the first five minutes. Don’t make me cut this visit short,” he threatened.

I slid off of Derrick’s lap reluctantly and made sure the captain saw me pouting as I walked back to my side of the table. He made sure I knew he didn’t give a shit when he repeated his warning before walking away.

“I hate him,” I whispered.

“Man, fuck that Uncle Tom motherfucker. I got something for his ass when I get outta here.” Derrick waved his hand like he was swatting flies behind the captain. Then he changed the subject. “Did you bring my comic books?”

“Yeah, I brought them.” I smiled.

Derrick and I shared Thanksgiving dinner in the special mess hall that had been set up for inmates and their visitors. It wasn’t my momma’s smoked turkey but it was all right. Then we went to what they call the rec room and made small talk for the rest of our visit. There was lots I wanted to say that I couldn’t. I wanted to tell Derrick how much I loved him, how hard it was being without him every day. But I knew I had to keep things casual while I was there. Derrick was hurting as much as I was while we were apart. There was no need for both of us to break down and get all emotional. Especially with all those other inmates around. Derrick let me know early on he couldn’t afford to look soft in front of these people. So there were no tears, just lots of handholding and promises about how things would be when he was back on the outside. We would be together again, inseparable. I couldn’t wait for that day. Until then, I’d have to be satisfied with these visits and the small comfort they offered.

It was Thanksgiving Day and I looked across the dinner table and smiled at my very pregnant girlfriend Stephanie, who was helping her grandmother, Big Momma, with dinner. Stephanie and I met a little over three years ago at a club in Richmond called The Satellite. The Satellite was without question Richmond’s hottest black singles bar and club. It was situated right between cigarette manufacturer Philip Morris, the only place a brother could get a job making over twelve dollars an hour, and the Southside Projects, home of some of the finest single black women in Richmond. The Satellite had the reputation of being the perfect place to find a one-night stand, and that’s exactly what I was looking for the night of my twenty-eighth birthday.

Stephanie was hanging with a couple of so-so-looking sisters, smoking weed, when I pulled into The Satellite’s parking lot. I’d just bought myself a brand-new burgundy Expedition for my birthday, and my army buddy Matt had offered to buy me a few drinks to celebrate. Matt and I were both stationed about twenty minutes south of Richmond at Fort Lee army base in Hopewell. He was married and not really interested in hooking up with anyone but was happy to take the ride and get away from his wife for a few hours. I was hoping to get lucky. I’d just gotten out of a long-distance relationship with this sister in Germany about six months ago and it had been a long, long time since I’d gotten any. So you can imagine how eager I was to hook up for the night.

When Matt and I hopped out of the truck, the so-so sisters were all smiles.

“This your car?” one of them asked.

“Yeah, why?” I smiled.

“’Cause I wanna ride.” She said it like it was an order.

“So, what am I gonna get if I give you a ride? Today’s my birthday.” I was testing the waters. I could tell she wasn’t the brightest woman in the world by the way she smiled at that stupid-ass line I’d thrown at her. But at the time I didn’t give a shit about her IQ. Only thing I cared about was how fast I could get her to a hotel and between the sheets.

“What you want, birthday boy?” She opened up her coat, showing me her skintight spandex outfit. I surveyed the sister real quick. She was about five-eight, with an almond color. A little thin for my taste, but doable. I figured she was about twenty-two. Her friend, who turned out to be her blood sister, was the same complexion, a little thicker, with a much nicer body. I figured she was probably the older of the two.

“You wanna ride, too?” I turned my attention to her sister.

She nodded, trying to avoid eye contact with her sister, who had placed her hand on her hip and was sucking her teeth. That’s when Stephanie got out of their car. She was five foot five with heels on. Her chocolate skin was so pretty she didn’t need a drop of makeup, and wasn’t wearing any other than lip gloss. Her chest was small, but her hips made up for it tenfold. I hadn’t even seen her from the rear, but I knew she had one of the nicest asses I’d ever seen. There was no doubt in my mind she had it going on, and if I was going to take somebody for a ride it was definitely going to be her. She was fine in every sense of the word, with just enough attitude to keep a brother on his toes.

“Come on, y’all. He ain’t takin’ your sorry asses for no ride.” Stephanie stepped out of the car and took two steps toward the club.

“Only ’cause you’d be the one in my car, sweetheart.” I smiled until I realized how corny the line was.

She stepped between her friends and looked up and down my six-foot-three-inch frame. “I doubt it, baby. I don’t even know you. And don’t think you could handle me if I did.” She swung her head toward her friends, gesturing for them to follow her to the club.

“Hey, why don’t you let me buy you a drink so we can get to know each other and find out?” She turned back to me with this confused look. She was probably trying to figure out where the hell I was coming up with these corny-ass lines. I was so embarrassed I wanted to smack myself.

“You buying them a drink, too?” She looked at her friends, who were now battling for Matt’s attention.

“Only if you want me to,” I said sincerely.

“Fuck ’em. Let ’em buy their own drinks.” She smiled at me. I have to admit I was in shock. I couldn’t believe that stupid-ass line worked. Those were some of the corniest lines I’d ever used and she actually went for it. I put my arm around her and guided her toward the club. This might actually be a happy birthday after all.

Two hours and damn near a sixty-dollar bar tab later, Stephanie was sitting next to me with her arms around my neck. She was drunk. I was even drunker. Her two friends had found some other playmates for the night and Matt had left. He took his marriage vows pretty seriously, so when the so-so sisters offered to do a two-on-one he decided to grab a cab back to base before he did something stupid. I didn’t go with him, but I wasn’t expecting to get laid anymore, either. I was just hoping to get Stephanie’s phone number and possibly take her out to dinner later in the week. She wasn’t as ghetto as I first thought, though she was rough around the edges. From what I could tell from our conversation, she was the kind of woman I wanted to get to know long-term. She was a woman with real dreams, and unlike some of the sisters I’d met, she actually had a plan to achieve them. I liked that.

“What’s up with that ride?” she asked.

“Baby, I like you, but I’m not in any shape to drive. That’s a brand-new truck out there, and I don’t plan on crashing it.” Matt was the designated driver, and before he would leave I had to promise to catch a cab back to base if I didn’t get lucky. And that definitely didn’t seem to be in the cards. I’d tried to kiss Stephanie on the dance floor a few times but she just pushed me away. I was sure she liked me, but she wasn’t gonna make it easy. I was probably in for quite a few cold showers before she would give me some.

Stephanie looked at me with a grin. “You sure you can’t drive? I only live about four blocks from here. Don’t you want your birthday present?”

“Huh?” I raised an eyebrow in confusion. “What birthday present?”

“Damn, they don’t let you out much in the army, do they?” She laughed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I slurred.

“If you don’t take me home, you can’t get no ass. That’s what it means.” She kissed me gently on the lips.

Suddenly, I felt like I was sober. I hadn’t had any in over six months, and on the first night this fine woman was offering to give me some. I had to control myself from leaping out of my seat.

“Let’s go. I can drive.” I grabbed her hand and she almost fell on the floor as I tried a little too eagerly to help her from her seat.

“Okay, but maybe we should walk. We’re both a lot drunker than I thought.” She tried to regain her footing. I didn’t argue with her, but the truth is, new truck or not, I would have driven to hell and back to get some from her. I don’t know why, but it just felt right.

When we got outside the club, the night air felt good for February. It was more like an early spring night. Stephanie wrapped her arm around my waist and I did the same to her, massaging her beautiful hips as we walked in silence. It only took about five minutes to walk to her apartment. When we arrived at her door she kissed me. I kissed her back, slow and passionate.

“Travis,” she whispered, still holding onto my waist.

“Yeah,” I whispered back.

“You don’t do this very often, do you?”

“Do what?” I leaned back so I could see her face.

“Go to clubs and pick up girls.”

“No, I don’t. How’d you know?” My voice was low, and I was afraid she would hear my embarrassment.

“The way you kissed me. Like I was your girl or somethin’.” I looked at her and smiled. She was right. That’s exactly how I was trying to make her feel. That’s just the kind of guy I was. I wanted her to feel safe and comfortable, even if this was just a one-night stand.

“Did you like it?” I smiled. She smiled back.

“Yeah, but it scared me. Only one man’s ever kissed me like that before. My daughter’s father.”

“You’ve got a daughter?” I raise my eyebrows. She hadn’t mentioned a kid all night.

“Yeah, she’s nine months old. She’s at my mom’s for the weekend.” Nine months old? Damn, she just had the baby. Where the hell was the father?

I watched her walk into the apartment and throw her jacket on the sofa. I hesitated at the front door, looking inside. Lord, please don’t let this girl’s baby have some crazy, deranged father. ’Cause the last thing I wanted was to get caught doing the nasty with some other brother’s woman.

“What are you doing out there? Come on inside,” she ordered when she realized I hadn’t come in. I obeyed but entered tentatively. I was seriously thinking about backing out. I wanted some from her real bad, especially after she bent over to pick up something off the floor and gave me a full view of that beautiful backside. But I wasn’t sure if it was worth the stress. She lived in the projects, had a kid, and probably had a baby’s father somewhere close.

“You ain’t got no man, do you? I mean, where’s your daughter’s father?” I asked warily.

“No, I ain’t got no man. I don’t want no man. I just wanna have a good time. And my daughter’s sorry-ass father ain’t been around since she’s been born. He’s up in D.C. tryin’ to be a rap star. You ever heard of a group called KRN? It’s short for Kill’a Richmond Niggas.”

“Nope, never heard of them.”

“Neither has anyone else. But they’ve been opening for a go-go group in D.C. called Top Side. Would you believe that nigga left me right when my baby was born?”

I shook my head. I’m not sure if it was because I was horny or what, but I believed her and calmed down. I wrapped my arms around her.

“Kiss me like you did before.” She smiled.

I did what she asked, this time kissing her even more passionately.

“Wow, a girl could get used to that.” She led me up the stairs and before we entered the bedroom I kissed her again.

“I’m not looking for a man,” she repeated. “Just a good time.”

I hesitated. I’d never had a real one-night stand before. Any time I’d ever slept with someone it ended up becoming a long-term relationship. Since I was fifteen years old this was the longest gap I’d had between serious girlfriends. The truth was, I wanted a woman in my life. But at that moment, I’d take what I could get. After all, it was my birthday and we could talk about tomorrow when the sun came up.

She said it again, this time a little more serious. “I’m not looking f