CHAPTER ONE
Jessika smiled, a reassuring and soft expression crossing over her face. A purposefully built expression, intended to do the very important work of putting her client at ease. He was very much in need of positive reinforcement whenever he achieved something, or he would end up going backwards in another few sessions. That was something she’d always noticed with him.
“Well done,” she said warmly. “That was a big step forward. I’m very proud of the progress you’ve made this week.”
“Thanks,” he said, wiping away a tear around his eye and sniffling. “I do feel better.”
“That’s fantastic,” Jessika told him. “Now we just have to keep that progress up. Okay?”
“Yeah,” he sniffed, nodding. That was good enough for her.
“Alright, Brian,” she said. “That’s it for today. Well done, again. I’ll see you at the same time next week.”
Brian nodded, getting up. “Thanks,” he said. “Um. Have a good week.”
“You too, Brian,” Jessika said, smiling warmly but then looking down at her notes and pretending to expand on them with her pen. She’d found it was the only reliable way to get Brian to leave. If she didn’t make it clear she was disengaging from him, he would linger for as long as he could. He always wanted to prolong the conversation for as long as possible.
Unfortunately, she suspected that was why he had specifically requested the last slot of her working day. It meant he knew she was never in a rush to get to the next client, only to return home. He could always rely on being able to delay her because he knew full well there was no one else waiting.
Brian lingered awkwardly for a moment before taking the hint and slowly making his way to the door. Jessika felt his eyes on her, knew he was pausing there as he always did. If she looked up now, he would see it as an invitation to turn back and walk towards her again and then speak.
The door opened and closed, and Jessika felt her shoulders relaxing in relief.
She looked up to be certain, seeing that she was alone in her office at last. She sighed, putting a hand up to her shoulder to push and pull at the muscle there and try to ease the knots that had formed. She wouldn’t change a thing about her job – she loved helping other people. But there were days when being a therapist felt harder for her than others. Days when she had to take the time to remember that she, too, was a human being, with the same emotions and needs that the rest of them had.
She closed her eyes and worked her thumb and forefinger over her forehead and temples, soothing away the headache that had been forming all day. Not long, she told herself, and she would be able to get home to a nice glass of wine, a pasta meal, and something mindless on the television before sleep.
First, she had to finish her debriefing for the day. There were patient notes to compile, notes to type, medication requests to review. As she did every day, she would finish off by looking at the next day’s patients and considering them, so that she was in the right mental space when she approached her work in the morning.
Maybe it was just the fact that it was the first Friday after the Christmas and New Year’s break that had her feeling the strain. It always seemed harder to get back to work after a break. And though she’d been able to spend the holidays with her parents, it was always just one more reminder that she didn’t yet have the things they frequently expressed they wanted for her. The patter of the tiny feet of children filling the rooms of her home. A bigger practice, maybe in a bigger city. A more worthy partner, because they had never approved of Jessika’s wife and made no secret of that fact.
In fact, Ginny was a saint for putting up with it over those few days they spent with her family. Just one more reason to remember that the life she had was good enough, thank you, and that she enjoyed it. Jessika told herself the mantra she frequently told her patients: focus on the things you do have, not the things you don’t.
Jessika finished typing up her notes on Brian in her computer and saved the program, shutting everything down. Finally done with the day, she glanced over the schedule for tomorrow and then at the clock. It was getting late already. Why did the work always seem to take the longest when you were the most eager to get home?
She would think about the plan for tomorrow in the car. She scooped up her home and car keys from her desk drawer and headed over to the door, grabbing her coat from the rack as she passed it and shrugging it onto her shoulders. Her purse joined the coat and then she was on her way out, locking the door behind her and glancing around in the dark.
And it was dark out – stunningly dark. There were clouds over the moon, or maybe there was no moon at all tonight – she couldn’t even tell. It was only a short walk from the office to the parking lot, which served not just her but a row of businesses on the outskirts of town, but it made her feel nervous every time. She looked forward to the summer months, when she would stride across this distance with confidence, her head high. Then she would worry more about her heels sinking into the mud as she took a shortcut over the grass, rather than whether there was someone lurking out there in the shadows.
Jessika jostled the keys in her hand as she crossed to the parking lot, trying to pick out the one that would unlock her vehicle. She fumbled and dropped them, which annoyed her. She didn’t want any more delays. She wanted to get home. Ginny and the sofa were calling out for her, a promise she wanted to fulfill.
She stooped and grabbed the keys, catching her heavy purse to stop it from swinging forward and setting her off-balance, then stood still as she turned the keys in her hand again to find the one she wanted. Finally having it ready, with the jangling of the keys still ringing in her ears, she pressed the unlock button and heard her car answer with a beep and a flash.
The flash of light illuminated her, leaving her with the impression of her own reflection in the glass of the window. ...
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