Baring your body is simple—but baring your soul might just change everything… The last thing Glenna O'Donald expected to stumble upon in a cemetery was a pack of index cards. And not just any cards—each one contains instructions for a seriously kinky, no-holds-barred sexual encounter. Glenna, an over-analytical research assistant by day, is suddenly tempted to conduct some nocturnal experiments of her own. Especially when gorgeous university professor Eric Morris offers to be her lab partner. Soon Glenna begins meeting with Eric once a week to try out the suggestions that intrigue her most. In between those daring nights of sensual exploration are work days filled with laughter and flirting…until Glenna fears she's getting in too deep. For all the pleasure she's giving and receiving, Glenna wants more than skin-on-skin interaction—and Eric realizes he's about to lose the intimate connection he didn't know he needed. Can they find the courage to take this game to the next level? As hot as it is heartwarming, Christine d'Abo's fresh, witty novel proves that practice makes perfect, and that some games are worth playing…
Release date:
June 1, 2016
Publisher:
Kensington Books
Print pages:
306
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Yup, that’s me—Glenna Marie O’Donald—stellar research assistant and consummate romantic coward.
Jasmine, my best friend since my first year of college, fell into the chair opposite me at our table in the lunchroom. I wasn’t bothered by her comments; she was right, after all. My history with guys was shaky at best. I liked them and they seemed to like me for a time. Then inevitably things devolved when my job took priority over hanging out.
Your boss is taking advantage of you.
You work way too much.
Why can’t you spend as much time with me as you do at the school?
This sucks. I’m out of here.
Honestly, when you get burned more than a few times for the same thing, you tend to back away. I didn’t need a man in my life. Jasmine never believed me when I told her that I was quite happy on my own. She’d snort, roll her eyes, and wave away my comment without a second glance.
It did get annoying.
I didn’t need a man.
Even if I sometimes wanted someone special in my life. Occasionally. Every so often.
“I’m telling you, the staff barbecue is the perfect place for you to talk to him.” She opened her lunch and the smell of kimchi rice filled the room.
The him she was referring to was Professor Eric Morris. The tall, dark-haired, super-fit sociology professor had a voice that could melt hearts and drop panties with a simple hello. Professor Eric Morris, who had more female students in his class than anyone else on campus. A man who rarely smiled, but when he looked at you there was no doubt he not only saw you, but every thought and feeling that flitted through your head. He starred in far too many of my nightly fantasies for me to admit without sounding like a crazy, obsessed stalker.
The man, who in the year and a bit that he’d been teaching at the college, I’d barely managed to say two words to, because I was, as Jasmine put it, a coward.
“I love you like a sister, Jaz. But there is no way I’m going to say anything to him. Ever.”
It was the Friday before the Labor Day weekend, the last workday before the start of the school year. Most of the professors from the college were gone, taking their last bit of vacation to play golf, read, or do whatever their passions happened to be. I loved working this time of year. The school was quiet. It always felt as though someone had taken a deep breath and were waiting to exhale. A collective pause before the chaos to come.
This year was going to be especially awesome. Professor Mickelson, my boss, had already been away for three months on his semester-long sabbatical. I still had four more months of only communicating with him via e-mail. Heaven!
“Are you insane?” Jasmine threw her napkin at me. “This is the perfect time for you to do it. He’ll be there. You’ll be there. Your crazy boss won’t be there. You might even be able to relax and have fun for once.”
She was my best friend in the whole wide world, but there were times when Jasmine scared the shit out of me. I looked down at my hands and picked at the dry skin around my nail. “I just can’t.”
“What’s the worst that can happen? He’ll say no. At the very least you’ll have an answer and you can move on to someone else.”
A grad student chose that moment to come into the kitchen. He didn’t even look at us as he made his way to the coffee machine. I leaned forward to close the distance between me and Jasmine. “I’m quite happy with my fantasies, thank you.”
“I bet you are. I bet you dream about climbing up his body and licking every inch of his skin.”
The grad student looked at us wide-eyed before he spun away quickly. I got the impression he was still listening, no doubt wanting to get some dirt that could be passed around the student lounge. Great, like I needed that kind of attention.
I nodded my head in the direction of our friend. “Can you keep your voice down a bit?”
“Not if you’re not going to listen to my advice.” She leaned back and crossed her arms, her eyes locked onto mine. “You need to make a move before someone else snatches him up.”
Now the grad student wasn’t even pretending that he wasn’t paying attention. Jasmine must have picked up on it too, because in the next instant she turned around and glared at him. “Don’t you have someplace to be, Stuart? Like running your tutorial?”
“Ah, yeah. Yes.” For a moment I thought his eyes were going to bug out of his head.
“Then move your ass.” Jasmine pointed at the door and narrowed her gaze.
I’d never seen a person move that quickly before in my life.
When she turned her glare back on me, I knew I wasn’t going to be spared anything. “Glenna, I know you don’t believe me, but this is the truth. You are not meant to be alone. You and Eric would be cute together. He’s serious, you’re serious. Just think about what sex would be like with him. Jesus, if I weren’t gay even I’d be tempted to take him for a ride myself.”
And there was a mental picture I so didn’t want—my best friend and my crush fucking.
“I hate you.” I pulled my tuna sandwich out of my container and took a giant bite. “He doesn’t even know I’m alive. Saying hello to him at the barbecue isn’t going to do anything to help get him into my bed.”
“Well, you can’t expect him to fuck you if you can’t at least have a simple conversation.” She took a big bite of her kimchi and waved her fork around. “Maybe you can get drunk and then grope his ass. Then you’d have to go apologize. There might be groveling. ‘Oh, please Eric, how can I ever make it up to you?’ ” She batted her eyelashes at me before laughing. “You should see your face.”
“You’re an asshole. Why are we even friends?”
“Because I showed you how to shotgun a beer our first week of college.”
“Only after I saved your ass with that essay.”
But as she knew, my brain does this thing that as soon as someone puts a thought out there I can’t help but picture how things will work out, all the way to their natural conclusion. In my head I saw myself at the party. Eric would walk by on his way to the food table or something. I’d “accidentally” bump into him as he passed me and look into his eyes all surprised. Maybe I’d even spill a drink on myself. He’d think he’d done it and would help me clean myself.
I’m sorry, Glenna. How can I make up for this?
Oh nothing. It was an accident.
I can’t stand by while I’ve done you wrong. At least let me give you a clean shirt.
I’d blush, of course, because who wouldn’t. Thank you.
Why don’t you take mine? His voice would be that low rumble that always seemed to turn me on. His eyes would be locked onto me as he’d slowly unbutton his shirt.
Wow, Eric. Your chest is so firm.
Would you like to see the rest of me?
And bam, crazy-monkey sex!
If only.
I cleared my throat and quickly took another bite of my sandwich. “I don’t think Eric likes anyone. Or has sex. Or anything. He’s always on his own.”
“Baby, I’ve seen that man. He’s having sex. As much as he wants with whomever he wants to do it with. I keep telling you all you need to do is go after him.”
“He doesn’t know I’m alive,” I said again. And I was essentially a coworker. That went against so many things on my mental “don’t touch” list I couldn’t fathom it.
“Whose fault is that? Not his. If you want someone then you need to do something about it. Life doesn’t reward the cautious.”
“Sometimes it does.”
“You don’t believe that.”
I hated when she was right. “Maybe.”
“You’re a research assistant who lives in the world of studies and observations. Talk to him—hell, I was serious about the groping. I’m sure you could chalk this up to some exceptionally hands-on research project.”
“God, you’re a child sometimes. I don’t need a man to fulfill me when I have a perfectly good vibrator at home to help—”
“Baby, all you do is masturbate.”
“—live out my fantasies. I’d be scared that the reality would never live up to the imaginary Eric that I’ve created in my head.”
It was in that moment that my skin began to tingle. We were still alone in the kitchen, but I could have sworn someone was there. It was probably Stuart standing outside in the hall trying to get some more dirt. Well, he was out of luck because I was done being browbeaten by Jasmine.
“I need to get back soon. Professor Mickelson left me a pile of books to pull and outline for him. He’ll be chasing me through e-mails if I’m not done soon.”
Thankfully, she sighed, signaling the end of her teasing. “When does the old goat get back?”
“He’s off all term, but he’s threatened to come back around the end of October for a check-in. Then I’m sure he’ll have me buried in another bunch of new projects before the next term starts.”
“I’d better head out too. I have a one-thirty meeting. Apparently the CS profs want to do a study on online learning again. I have to pull some old case studies so they don’t rehash an old thesis.”
“Blah.”
The echo of our chairs scraping as we stood filled the room. One second I was picking up my garbage and taking it to the garbage can, and in the next I was face-to-face with the object of my lust.
Professor Eric Morris stood in the doorway, coffee mug in hand. Well, stood isn’t quite the right description. It’s more like he loomed. He’s probably only a smidgen over six feet tall, but being only five foot four myself, it makes for a huge difference from my perspective. Mind you, being eye level with his chest was no hardship. His dress shirts fit him perfectly, but they couldn’t hide the muscles beneath. As usual, I was paying more attention to his pecs—Were they really as firm as they looked?—rather than his face. That was why I didn’t immediately notice him staring at me. Which he totally was.
And there was my blush. “Umm, hi, Professor Morris.”
Woot, go me! I finally spoke to him.
“Glenna.”
God, his voice! It was a lot lower than any other man’s voice that I knew and had a way of seeping into my body when he spoke. Could the sound of a voice be an aphrodisiac? If so, then I could listen to him read the phone book and probably have an orgasm.
Jasmine cleared her throat and I realized that we’d been standing staring at each other for longer than was normal. I looked at the garbage in my hand and then at the garbage can directly behind him. “Umm, sorry. I just need to . . .”
I’d half-expected him to move to the side so I could reach it. Instead he stayed put, forcing me to step awkwardly around him. I clamped my mouth closed as I moved so he wouldn’t be subjected to the stench of my tuna breath. As I brushed past him, I got a nose full of his aftershave. It wasn’t a brand that I knew, but he smelled awesome and it always made me a bit giddy when he was nearby. I could always tell when he’d been in a room, my nose keenly aware of his lingering scent.
It was only after I finally dropped my garbage into the bin that Eric moved over to the coffee machines. I wasn’t a close colleague to him and hadn’t worked on any of his projects since he’d come to the school, so I didn’t have much I could say to him. Not that he was particularly easy to speak to with his back to us. I scampered over to the table and grabbed my things. “I need to stop and get some paper for my printer.”
“Cool.” Jasmine was clearly trying to fight off a laughing fit. “Want to grab a coffee before we go? You look like you could use one.”
I’m going to kill her. “No, I’m good for now.”
Just before we left the kitchen, Jasmine piped up. “Have a great day, Professor Morris.”
“You as well, Ms. Houng, Glenna.”
Yes, she was going to die in the most painful way possible.
Somehow I managed to keep my mouth shut until we were out of earshot. “I hate you.”
“Are you kidding me? For a second I thought he was going to throw you over the table and fuck you in front of me.”
“You’re high. He doesn’t know me.”
“Don’t be so dramatic. He knew your name, which means he knows who you are. And you couldn’t see his face the way I did. Not only does that boy know you’re alive, but he’s interested.”
“Whatever.” She was just trying to get me going. He couldn’t be interested.
As we were about to turn the corner, I looked back down the hall toward the kitchen. Eric was standing there, coffee cup in his hand, staring back at me.
He wasn’t interested, was he?
Until today I didn’t even think he remembered my name.
We were almost back to the office when I heard my cell phone ringing. I missed it, but when I finally got to my desk and checked, I saw that there were four missed calls from my mom. “Shit.”
“What’s wrong?” Jasmine turned her seat to face me.
“Not sure yet. Sec. Hey, Mom. Sorry, I was at lunch.”
“Glenna, hon.” It took no time to realize that she’d been crying.
“What’s wrong? Is it Dad?”
“No, your father’s fine. It’s Great Glenna.”
I closed my eyes and felt the blood drain from my face. “Oh no.”
“She’s in the hospital, but the doctors aren’t sure she’s going to make it through the night. Can you come?”
“Where are you?”
“They took her to St. Joseph’s.”
“I’m on my way.”
Jasmine was on her feet standing in front of me when I hung up. “Hon, what’s wrong?”
“It’s my great-grandmother. She’s dying.”
I was named after my great-grandmother—Great Glenna. She was the type of person so full of life, of silliness, that you’d forget her age. I hoped to be so lucky as to live into my late nineties.
As a kid I’d hated that my dad named me after her. It’s not easy to carry around a name like Glenna when you’re a child. The teasing I endured . . . man, kids can be cruel. Still, the older I got the more I appreciated the connection I shared with her. Not to mention that I also loved the extra attention she always paid me as a result. Special treats, books, trips. Sorry, you can’t come if your name isn’t Glenna.
It was awesome. So was she.
I’ve never been a fan of hospitals. I hated the chemical smell that hung in the air. To me it always announced that it was working hard to keep germs and other things at bay. I always did what I could to avoid coming here. Tonight, though, it didn’t matter. Great Glenna was in the other room. And she was dying.
I sat with my nanna while the doctors were in with her, doing what they could to make her comfortable in her last hours. My dad was off to call the rest of his brothers so everyone knew what was going on. Mom had announced that she was going in search of coffees. Knowing her she’d have a good cry as well. It was going to be a long night, most of all for Nanna.
She’d been holding my hand for the past five minutes, but hadn’t said much. My mind naturally drifted to the mortality of everyone I loved. It’s a terrifying thing to be reminded of.
“Mum knew this was coming.” Nanna gave my hand a squeeze. “She’d been writing letters to people for months now. Saying good-bye properly, as she put it.”
“Oh, Nanna.” I leaned my head on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, dear. Mum will be leaving this world with no regrets. That’s the most any of us can ask for from this life.”
I was twenty-eight years old and already there were things that I had shied away from doing, places that I hadn’t gone to. Would I be able to say the same thing about my life when I was ninety-eight? No regrets?
“I’ve had them on me ever since she finished composing them.” Nanna wiped a tear from her cheek.
“What? The letters?”
“Here in my purse. Let me give you yours.”
I think I moved more from shock than anything else, giving Nanna room to fish through her bag. She pulled out a small bundle of envelopes, a name neatly printed on the front of each one. Within moments she set the one with my name neatly penned on the front on my lap.
Little Glenna.
My chest squeezed and I found it hard to breathe. I couldn’t do that, not yet. She was still here, after all, just resting on a bed in the other room. I swallowed down the rising ball of hurt and smiled. “I’m going to read this later.”
“Of course.” Nanna suddenly looked horrified. “Maybe I shouldn’t have given this to you yet. I should have waited . . . until . . .”
I set the letter on the seat beside me and hugged her hard. “It’s fine. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Mom came back then, coffee in hand and her face streaked with dried tears. “There was a hell of a line at Tim Hortons. Sorry for the delay.”
Dad came back shortly after that, his face tight and his gaze assessing how Nanna was doing. “Mom, Tony is picking up Brian and they’re heading over to the house. Steven will come by here a bit later.”
Nanna patted my hand. “Why don’t you go for a walk, dear? Stretch your legs a bit.”
“I got you a large double-double.” Mom handed me a coffee as I got up. “I forgot how big these were. Dump it if you can’t drink it all.”
“Thanks.”
Mom hugged me, holding me longer than she normally would. “I saw there was a nice little sitting area down the hall if you’re looking for a quiet spot. We’re not going anywhere, so come back in when you’re ready.”
“I will.”
I left them and headed toward the direction Mom had indicated. My thoughts bounced around, remembering my times with Great Glenna. Her home had been a large old farmhouse in Antigonish, Nova Scotia. When I was a kid, we’d go to visit her sometimes, taking Nanna with us. I didn’t remember much of the place, but even as a kid I knew that the house was more than a little run-down.
Some summers she’d board a plane and would make the trip herself to stay with Nanna for a month, usually July. I loved the lilt of her voice, the way her eyes would sparkle, telling you she was up to something. I loved her East Coast accent and the way she’d say certain words that made them sound oh-so-very Canadian.
“Dammit.” It became hard to take a breath without my body shaking. I needed to sit down, to have some time to pull my shit together before I could even think of going back to my family.
The signs for the sitting area directed me down the hall. The coffee was starting to heat my hand through the cardboard cup. Mom never remembered to ask them to double-cup it. When I finally got to the room, there was a couple inside talking to someone who looked to be hospital staff. Best if I stay out here then. A quick look around and I discovered a chair against a wall a few feet away. That would be as good a place as any.
The hallway was quiet except for the hum of voices in the other room and the rattle of air coming through a vent. I sat on the over-padded fake leather chair and waited for the air to hiss from the cushion as my weight settled before I looked at the envelope.
Little Glenna.
It was dainty, small, so unlike the woman who penned it. I laid it on my lap, not ready to open it yet. Instead I drank my coffee, letting the caffeine, sugar, and cream do their best to boost my spirits and charge my body. It was artificial, but would hopefully help get me through the next few hours.
Great Glenna’s letter waited.
I finished my coffee and set the cup on the floor.
I took a breath, then another before I finally picked it up to examine it once more. It was thin, probably only containing a single sheet of paper. Nanna had said this was a good-bye from the woman who was currently connected to life-support machines on the opposite end of the floor. She was still living, still holding on.
She was speaking to me even though she couldn’t.
I closed my eyes and made up my mind that I would do this now. I slid my thumb beneath the lip and gently tugged the envelope open. I was right in that there was only a single sheet of paper, but wrong that it was the only thing inside. She’d folded it in thirds, as though it were hugging the other item—a picture. Before I opened the letter, I shook it to the side and the photograph slid out.
When I’d been very young, Great Glenna had taken me to the Eaton Center on one of her visits to Toronto. We’d gone into a photo booth and had our picture taken together—two generations bound by a single name. We’d divided them up, two for her and two for me. Over the years, I’d lost my copies. Having a replacement wasn’t something I’d ever thought possible, having forgotten that she would have kept hers.
The tears that I’d kept at bay earlier now trickled down my cheeks. Why hadn’t I spent more time with her? They’d moved her to a nursing home here years ago, available for me to see whenever I wanted. She was my Great Glenna, a woman whom I’d admired for years, and I’d always done my best to live up to owning her name. I was a horrible great-granddaughter.
Sniffing the tears away, I finally opened the paper so I could read her final words.
“Dammit.” I wiped the tears away with the heel of my hand. “Dammit.”
Every ounce of guilt and regret I’d had filled me. I crushed the letter to my chest and let out a sob that must have been audible to everyone close. She loved me, was proud of me.
She wanted me to ta. . .
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