To Walk Alone in the Crowd

by Antonio Muñoz Molina

Genres: City Life; Literary Fiction

Synopsis

De Quincey, Baudelaire, Poe, Joyce, Benjamin, Melville, Lorca, Whitman . . . walkers and city dwellers all, collagists and chroniclers, picking the detritus of their eras off the filthy streets and assembling it into something new, shocking, and beautiful. In To Walk Alone in the Crowd, Antonio Muñoz Molina emulates these classic inspirations, following their peregrinations and telling their stories in a book that is part memoir, part novel, part chronicle of urban wandering.



A skilled collagist himself, Muñoz Molina here assembles overheard conversations, subway ads, commercials blazing away on public screens, snatches from books hurriedly packed into bags or shoved under one's arm, mundane anxieties, and the occasional true flash of insight—struggling to announce itself amid this barrage of data—into a poem of contemporary life: an invitation to let oneself be carried along by the sheer energy of the digital metropolis.



A denunciation of the harsh noise of capitalism, of the conversion of everything into either merchandise or garbage (or both), To Walk Alone in the Crowd is also a celebration of the beauty and variety of our world, of the ecological and aesthetic gaze that can, even now, recycle waste into art, and provide an opportunity for rebirth.

Release date: July 13, 2021

Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux

Print pages: 416

Sample

I.

OFFICE OF LOST MOMENTS

LISTEN TO THE SOUNDS OF LIFE. I am all ears. I listen with my eyes. I hear what I see on advertisements, headlines, posters, signs. I move through a city of voices and words. Voices that set the air in motion and pass through my inner ear to reach the brain transformed into electrical pulses; words that I hear in passing, perhaps if someone stands beside me talking on their phone, or that I read no matter where I turn, on every surface, every screen. Printed words reach me like spoken sounds, like the notes on a musical score; sometimes it is hard to unscramble words that are spoken simultaneously, or to infer those I can’t quite hear because they’re whisked away or lost in a louder noise. The varied shapes of letters give rise to a ceaseless visual polyphony. I am a tape recorder, switched on and hidden away inside the futuristic phone of a 1960s spy, the iPhone in my pocket. I am the camera that Christopher Isherwood wanted to be in Berlin, a gaze that must not be distracted by even the merest blink. The woods have ears, reads the title of a drawing by Bosch. The fields have eyes. Inside a dark, hollow tree glow the yellow eyes of an owl. A pair of large ears dangle from a burly tree as from an elephant, nearly grazing the ground. One of Carmen Calvo’s sculptures is an old wooden door studded with glass eyes. The doors have eyes. The walls have ears. Electrical outlets can hear what we say, according to Ramón Gómez de la Serna.

* * *

PERFECTION MAY BE CLOSER THAN YOU THINK. I go out as soon as it gets dark. It’s the late dusk of the first night of summer. I hear the rustle of trees and ivy from neighborhood gardens. I hear the voices of people I can’t see, eating outdoors on the other side of fences topped with creeping vine or mock orange, sheltered from the street by thick cypress hedges. The sky is dark blue at the top and light blue on the horizon where the rooftops and chimneys stand in silhouette as on a garish diorama. I don’t want to know anything about the world, I only want to be aware of what reaches my eyes and ears at this very moment, nothing else. The street is so quiet that I can hear my footsteps. The rumble of traffic is far away. In the soft breeze I can hear the rustle of leaves on a fig tree and the slow, swaying sound of the high crown of a sycamore, like the sound of the sea. I hear the whistling of swallows flitting through the air in acrobatic flight. One of them, swooping to catch an insect, touched the surface of a garden pond so pristinely that it didn’t cause the slightest ripple. I hear the clicking of bats finding their way through the air by echolocation. Many more vibrations than my crude human ears can detect are rippling simultaneously through the air at this very moment, a thick web of radio signals spreading everywhere, carrying all the cell phone conversations taking place right now across the city. I want to be all eyes and ears, like Argos in the ancient myth, a human body covered in bulging eyeballs and blinking eyelids, or perhaps in the bare, lidless eyes on Carmen Calvo’s door. I could be a Marvel superhero, the Eye-Man, or a monster in a 1950s science-fiction film. I could be a random stranger or the Invisible Man, preferably the one in the James Whale movie rather than in the novel by H. G. Wells. It is the film, more than the book, that really attains the height of poetry.

* * *

TECHNOLOGY APPLIED TO LIFE. I read every word that meets my eyes as I walk by. Fire Department Only. Premises Under Video Surveillance. We Pay Cash for Your Car. There is a kind of beauty, an effortless fruition in the gradual approach of night. The word Libre, lit in bright green on the windshield of a taxi, floats above the darkened street as if clipped and pasted on a black background or a page in a photo album. A glaring, empty bus rushes from the mouth of a tunnel like a ghostly galleon in the high seas. Its entire side is taken up by a large ad for gazpacho. Enjoy the taste of summer now. Words fall into a rhythmic sequence. We buy silver. We buy gold. We buy silver and gold. Donate blood. We buy gold. At every bus stop there is a glowing panel advertising a new film. Gods of Egypt: The Battle for Eternity Begins. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows. There are invitations, commands, prohibitions that I never noticed when I walked down this street before. Do not leave plastic containers outside the trash bin. No pedestrian traffic. Enjoy our cocktails. Celebrate your event with us. Long before you walk past the sidewalk tables outside a bar you are met by a murmuring choir of voices, tinkling glasses, the sound of silverware and china. I go through the thicket of voices and smells without stopping. Roast meat, animal fat, fried fumes, shrimp-shells, cigarette smoke. Try our specialties, lamb cutlets, grilled meats. Try our lobster rice. The lavish verbal succulence of the lettering on the signs is not unlike the splendor of a Dutch still life. Croquettes. T-BONE STEAK. Gambas al ajillo. Callos a la madrileña. CHEESES. Eggplant and gazpacho. Grilled sea bass. Tuna fritters. Paella. Entrecôte. On a June night, the sidewalks of Madrid have a languorous seaside calm like a beach filled with families on holiday. As I drift along, I realize this is the last night I will live in this neighborhood where I have spent so many years. A man and a woman, white-haired but youthful, press their faces together and smile in the window of a store that sells hearing aids. Old people in advertisements smile with a certain optimism. Young people laugh and laugh, opening their mouths wide and showing their gums and tongues. I never noticed this particular sign before, its invitation or command, the white letters on a blue background, the joy of retirees wearing invisible earbuds: Be All Ears. Hear the genuine sounds of life.

GO AS FAR AS YOU CHOOSE. I close my eyes so that the sounds can reach me more clearly. On the Metro I sit down and close my eyes as if I’d fallen asleep. I try to keep them shut all the way from one station to the next. I notice the weight of my eyelids, the faint quivering touch of my eyelashes. When I finally give up and look around, the faces around me are even stranger. There’s a book in my satchel but I don’t read it. I only read the signs I come across, each in turn, from the moment I hurry down the stairs and push open the swinging door. So many things that I never noticed or that I read without paying conscious attention. Entrance. Shorn of articles and verbs, the phrases become crude robotic indications. Estación Cobertura Móvil. Some subway official believes in bilingualism and in literal translations: Station Coverage Mobile. No smoking anywhere on the subway system. Insert ticket. This is a Public Announcement from the Metro de Madrid. Don’t forget to take your ticket. A group of grinning, multiethnic, multinational youths in an advertisement. Join the largest design network in the world. One of them is Asian. He’s wearing glasses and looks at the camera. Another is Black, with a pierced nose and his arm around the shoulders of a girl who is clearly Spanish. Turn this summer into something unforgettable. Use it or lose it. Exclusive opportunities for those who act quickly. Going down the escalator I close my eyes though not completely. For your own safety, hold the handrail. An emergency intercom addresses me with an almost intimate suggestion: Use me when you need me. The city speaks the language of desire. Instead of instantly turning to my phone while I wait on the platform, or searching for something else to read, I stay on my feet and squint at nothing for a few moments. “Use Me” was the title of a song I used to like many years ago. You are being filmed. Over a thousand cameras are watching over your safety. At each step there’s a new instruction or command. Break only in case of emergency. Don’t be afraid to use me, the song said. Commanding voices join the written injunctions. Next train approaching the station. The lack of an article or even a verb heightens the sense of imminence. This is a public announcement. The ground shakes a little as the train approaches. Do not enter or exit subway cars after the signal sounds. I look at people’s faces and listen to their voices. I am all ears. I move closer to a man who is talking on his phone. Nearly every person in the subway car is absorbed in a cell phone screen. A tall, serious girl is reading a Paulo Coelho book. Her choice in literature is a discredit to her beauty. “I’ll tell you everything,” someone says, right behind me. He leans his head against the glass and lowers his voice, so I can no longer hear him over the automated message that begins to announce the next station. “All right, perfect, okay, all right. See you soon.”

* * *

PARROT COULD BE KEY WITNESS IN MURDER CASE. Wearily, a woman turns the pages of a free newspaper. Beyoncé unveils outfits for upcoming tour. The train is moving more slowly and more quietly and I am better able to hear the male voice talking on the phone behind me. He’s so close to me that I have no idea what he looks like, this man who now begins to laugh. “His mother is eighty-seven and she just went to the dentist to get braces.” I have Montaigne in my backpack but I don’t take the book out; I don’t even look for a seat. I am alert, waiting for whatever new instructions will be addressed to me in an imperious or enticing tone. Let passion be your guide. This seat reserved for people with disabilities. Beneath the noise of the train there is a murmur of voices, almost all of them talking on the phone. “You have no idea how many years I’ve lived in England.” The voices of people I’m not able to see seem especially near. “Neither you nor your siblings should sign anything until you’re sure.” A screen hangs from the ceiling. A young man with a shaved head and a black beard moves his lips and the words appear below. I am Gay. Then another man, younger, beardless, wearing eyeliner and also moving his lips. I am Trans. The face of the man with the shaved head appears again. They flicker back and forth so quickly that their features superimpose. I am me. And then a third face. I could be you. Live your difference. Then a purple screen. Another invitation. Another command. Someone must have measured the minimum time required for the faces not to become indistinguishable. A woman is speaking softly, very close to my ear, in a tone of warning or censure. “He says he’s changed, that he wants to come back. But it’ll all depend on how he behaves.” I try to inscribe in my memory the phrases I hear, the bits and pieces of conversation. Words flow together, blurring and disappearing as soon as I hear them. Forget-It-Fast, says an ad, though I’m not sure what it’s selling. Words are drowned by the noise of the train or by announcements on the intercom. “We’ll see if he’s really changed. I don’t even believe twenty percent of what he says.” Emergency hammer. I read everything, even the headlines on the pages of the free newspaper that the first woman holds right up to my face.

* * *

POLICE WILL KNOW WHEN YOU USE YOUR CELL PHONE EVEN WHEN THEY CAN’T SEE YOU. Salamanca man beheaded by eighteen-year-old son. Emergency exit. The great arctic adventure. I barely notice the faces, just the voices and the printed words. A ringtone. The sharp trill of a text message. Everyone is connected to something or someone who is somewhere else. “I’m on the subway. Just in case we get cut off.” When the train comes to a stop, the doors open in front of an advertisement that reaches up to the curved ceiling of the station. The best family holidays ever. First-time ocean dives. Find a new landscape at every turn. A group of young people is jumping off a cliff joyfully into the sea. Some are about to plunge fearlessly and others are already floating against a deep blue. The fun of summer can be yours. Click for incredible prices. Some reservations can’t wait. Book now. Find out more. Find out now. Buy it now. Try it now. All the different messages seem to come from the same voice, the same source, and to be addressed to the same person: me, you. It’s me, but it could be you. You, yes, you, says a lottery ad, as if pointing a finger to single you out in the crowd, a face that can see you and has chosen you from a TV monitor. You can be a millionaire. Master the elements with your fingertips. Find the perfect class for you. The woman who was reading the newspaper left it on the seat when she got off the subway, a mess of crumpled sheets. Join the leading brand in hybrid technology.

* * *

TRACK YOUR DNA. Get there sooner. Let nothing stop you. Don’t wait until you’re down. In just a few years, printed newspapers have lost all their material dignity. Madrid sets a world record in the hunt for Pokémon. They crumple and fall apart immediately, squalid and superfluous, especially now, in summer. An entire page can be scanned as quickly as a screen. Enjoy a fabulous gourmet experience by the sea. I close my eyes again to hear more clearly as I let myself be carried along by the train’s motion. The city makes a thousand simultaneous promises. Choose everything. Enjoy it whenever and wherever you like. One need not choose a particular thing anymore and forego what was not chosen. Save while you spend. No regrets. Lose weight by eating. Create your custom trip today. I have an old, irresistible addiction to cheap newsprint and the smell of ink. Cannibalistic fight between hammerhead and tiger shark videotaped at sea by tuna fishermen. We move heaven and earth to bring you the best.

TAKE A BIT OF OUR TASTE WITH YOU. First, all of a sudden, it was that word, REMEMBER, up on a traffic sign on a street I used to walk down every day, but now detached from its context by a chance shift in my attention which up until the prior instant had been busy with other things—not the things around me but the things within me—like a sleepwalker suddenly awakened by that visual knell, RECUERDE, forcing me to open my eyes and ears even though I had seen the sign many times before and though it is in fact quite common, a metal triangle with a pair of simple black silhouettes alerting drivers to a pedestrian crossing outside a school. Remember what, I suddenly wonder. Who is asking or ordering me to remember; what inaudible, printed voice is forcing me to look at something I have seen all my life but that I now perceive as if for the first time, on this sidewalk, this corner, this crossing, the triangle high up on a metal post with its powerful and simple color combination: red along the edge, white on the inside, black for the silhouettes and for the single word in large block letters. Two children holding hands and carrying satchels, a pair of antique children without backpacks, a boy and a girl who seem in a hurry, as if they were about to break into a run. I look more closely and they are indeed running. The satchels in their hands are nearly flying behind them. Children out of a fairytale, brother and sister, abandoned by their parents and lost in the woods; or children fleeing an airstrike on their way home from school in Aleppo.

* * *

ISN’T DISCOVERING NEW THINGS WHAT KEEPS YOU ALIVE? You can tell it’s an old-fashioned sign because it employs the polite form of address, recuerde, in a city where every other voice addresses you informally. In saying “recuerde,” it also brings to mind the first word of the first verse of Jorge Manrique’s Coplas on his father’s death: “recuerde el alma dormida,” let the sleeping soul recall, which is in fact an appeal to the soul to awaken rather than to remember. My eyes felt suddenly as though they’d opened wider, my ears too, as when they pop from a change in pressure, “avive el seso y despierte.” And I began to notice other things as well, momentarily forgetting the path I was on and the darkness seething in my brain: I saw a handwritten sign taped to a lamppost, “Reliable person available for housework and eldercare”; I saw a picture of a tanned blonde in a white swimsuit in the window of a drugstore, “This summer, lose weight when you eat”; I saw a chalkboard sign outside a bar listing the day’s specials, “squid, lentil stew, octopus salad,” with a steaming plate of stew skillfully drawn in several colors. A young woman went by just then, talking on the phone, waving her free hand so that a loud jingle of bracelets accompanied the imperious staccato of her steps. A woman transfixed by anger, who had no qualms about speaking loudly. “Mom, she’s your daughter. Are you listening, Mom? What do you care what her husband says? There’s no reason for you to pay for your daughter’s gym. Are you listening, Mom? When have you ever paid for anything for me?”

WHERE YOUR FANTASIES COME TRUE. Ever since that day I’ve been on a secret mission when I walk down the street. I used to do it intermittently, if I happened to think of it on the way to some other task. Now those other tasks are disappearing. They are just an excuse to go out on the street. I don’t choose the quickest routes but those that are likely to be more fruitful. I almost never ride a bicycle and I never take a taxi. I either walk or I ride the subway. All my worries and obsessions are dissolved in ceaseless observation. I am no longer my own thoughts, the things that I imagine or remember, just what meets my eyes and ears, a spy on a secret mission to record and collect it all. I used to check my phone for messages every few minutes. I used to lower my head and scrunch my shoulders, caught in a toxic bubble of gloom, traversing an endless tunnel of mid-morning anxiety. Anxiety was my shadow, my guardian, and my double. It kept up with me no matter how fast I walked. It stood beside me as I went down an escalator, whispering into my ear. It turned the mild dizziness I got from my medication into vertigo and nausea. There was a morbid magnetism to the muzzle of the train when it came from the depths of the tunnel into the station. There was a voice in my ear, inside my head, far back at the nape of the neck, and in my throbbing temples. Now there’s no longer one voice but many, a flood of voices, coming always from the outside and as immediate as the things I see, the people going by, the noise of traffic. “Niña, two pairs of stockings for three euros, niña, look, two pairs, three euros.” Expert tailoring alterations and repairs. So that your business can run full speed. How can I have walked down this street so many times without noticing the river of spoken and printed words I was traversing, the racket, the crowds, the clothes in the window of a dingy store. Wool slippers, orthopedic footwear, shoes for sick children. Orthopedic shoes in the window of a store selling prosthetic supplies. Crab, shrimp, huge lobsters in a restaurant’s refrigerated display, Gran Cafetería los Crustáceos, and rows of silver fish with toothed, gaping jaws and glassy eyes. Try Our Lobster Rice, twelve euros per person. The nauseating smell of fish at ten in the morning blending with the nauseating smell of tobacco.

* * *

WHY GO SOMEWHERE ELSE WHEN EVERYTHING IS HERE. If you listen carefully you can distinguish between the steps of women wearing sandals and those wearing heels. Come to a Gin Masterclass. Your beauty center. Car insurance for just thirty-two euros a month. A gin masterclass sounds like an Intro to Alcoholism. Offers, gifts, proposals, overtures, all of it spreading before you on either side as you walk down the street. Find a new reason to keep smiling. A slim brunette stands on a beach in a bikini, looking off toward the sunset in a man’s arms. If you like the Dead Sea, wait till you see what else is here. Come in for a free consultation. Ask us about health insurance. Smoking causes cancer. Insure the future. Come in and discover the ingredients of life. At each step there is a voice, a door that opens into radiant discoveries and revelations. Come in. Find out. Come in and ask. Come in and see how technology is changing sports. I am holding a cell phone, like everyone else around me, but not to my ear. I hold it near my mouth instead so that I can repeat what I read or what I hear, mumbling as I walk, pretending to be busy with some urgent task, perhaps giving someone instructions over the phone or telling them I am coming to the office, to a meeting, while in fact relaying all the secrets I observe. Trust, reliability, peace of mind. NeoLife Age Medicine. NeoLife could be the name of one of those apocalyptic technological foundations dreamed up by Don DeLillo. All safety regulations are mandatory. Welcome to the secret world inside your cell phone.

* * *

REDISCOVER ALL THAT A PHONE CAN DO. I switch on the voice recorder to repeat something I’ve read. I press stop but a moment later I have to switch it on again. Give blood. We buy gold. The signs along the sidewalk gradually fall into a cadence. We buy silver and gold. Give life. An automated chirp at the corner lets you know that it’s okay to cross. Through the sound of footsteps, now that the cars have stopped, I can hear the tapping and scraping of a blind person’s cane behind me. In the movie M, a blind man follows the child murderer at night through the streets of a stage-set city. Oriental massage 24 hours. Asian girls. Fifteen minutes 30€. Twenty minutes 45€. One hour 70€. Complimentary drink. A digital stopwatch is running silently on a nightstand in a room where an Asian girl lies naked. Her heavily made-up eyes glance sideways at the clock in an artificial half-light of clandestine lust. Beautiful and discreet. There’s heavy breathing on her face and neck, and in the background she can hear the morning sounds of traffic, the same siren that I hear approaching and that will be recorded by my phone. I’m just an app away. Where time doesn’t matter. Discover the pleasures of tantric massage. Take a bit of our taste with you. You make me melt, says an ad for ice cream with a tongue and a pair of red lips licking a chocolate cone. Giovanni Bojanini Skin-Care Clinic. Change anything you want. Centaur Security. There’s a painting by Velázquez where a centaur in the background seems to be calmly chatting with St. Anthony in a field next to a river, like neighbors who have just run into each other. Attend a special tasting. As unique as you. Want to eliminate the toxins that build up in your digestive tract? Centaurs and security guards, plastic surgeons and young Asian prostitutes, rows of silver fish and orthopedic shoes and white canes and locksmiths. The voyage is you. Who are they taking away in that ambulance that just went by, the sound of its siren drilling into my ears before it got stuck in traffic up ahead? Internal cleanses from fifteen euros a month. Stop & Go. The city speaks in polyglot voices. Cream and Coffee. More apartments than ever. Shop online. Wedding and reception rentals. Argonaut. The word Argonaut is a spark of poetry, like siren or centaur. Café Prensa Pizza open 24 hours. Luxury apartment for rent, newly renovated. By removing the prepositions they speed up the tempo of language. Magic House Riddles and Mysteries. March to Abolish Zoos and Aquariums. We Love Churros con Chocolate. We catch shooting stars.

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO ENJOY THE SUMMER. It was the summer of short, light dresses like tunics on a Greek frieze, of shorts cinched at the top of the thigh and flat sandals with thin leather straps and toenails painted in bright colors, red primarily, though also green, blue, or yellow. Your skin, your city. A destination that will reach your heart. Night begins when you decide. It was the summer of bare shoulders and bare legs and a glowing sense of change and newness, as when miniskirts first appeared in the sixties. An overflow, an excess of youth and beauty during those first days of mild weather following a long winter. Choose your next adventure. Young girls walked down the street in straw hats that they wore tilted back on their heads. They talked on the phone or gazed at their screens, completely absorbed, typing swiftly with long, wavering fingers and painted fingernails that pecked on the glass like birds. To help us enjoy the good times.

* * *

WHEREVER YOU GO THIS SUMMER. The sharp edges of the present were softened and veiled as if by the sudden retrospective distance of the past. Show your best smile. No sooner did something happen than it seemed to have taken place long ago, as if instantly deprived of its immediacy by a dizzying combination of trivial and terrifying incidents. The sunny days are back. Now is the moment to enjoy the moment. It was the summer of long, straight hair cascading down a tanned back. This is us. Anxiety and nostalgia were twin poles between which I oscillated at every moment. The novelty of the latest fashions seemed to announce their own anachronism in advance. Groups of young people in ads for banks or cell phone companies glowed with the unanimous joy of a cadre of red guards or of peasants and proletarians in the posters of the Chinese Cultural Revolution. Quiero ser happy. The midnight air in Madrid was as thick as syrup and all through July the cicadas buzzed into the evening as if it were still the heat of day. The French army was declaring war on Pokémon. The brother of a Pakistani model murdered in an honor killing said he felt no remorse or shame at taking her life. The present tense slipped into the past at the very moment something was written down or said in conversation. Summer, at its height, seemed lit by the glow of the final summer at the end of an era, the one that people would remember soon after with an exaggerated sense of distance, the last summer before a war, an epidemic, or a great disaster. Spain was the seventh most wasteful country in the world in food consumption. Every day the papers said that a new temperature record had been set, that larger swaths of ice were melting in the North Pole and Antarctica. Blue or emerald cliffs crumbled into the sea as solemnly as ancient temples brought down by earthquakes. Don’t miss the chance you were waiting for. Fall in love with our bargains before summer is out.

* * *

NO MATTER WHAT YOU THIRST FOR. Ocean currents were going to cause huge storms all over the world. Full-page ads, color brochures, and digital screens in the windows of travel agencies offered lavish, adventurous cruises to tropical paradises. The place you were dreaming of is real. This summer, take your best selfies. Many coastal cities to be under water in a hundred years. Star Wars characters make an appearance at the Brussels airport. A woman was dying after being attacked by several tigers at a Beijing zoo. It was the summer of Pokémon Go and of suicide attacks. A fashion student in London used a tuft of Alexander McQueen’s hair to develop a type of human leather honoring the dead designer. Go as far as you want to. In Kabul, a radical Islamist set off a suicide vest in a crowd, killing ninety people. Pope Francis was urging cloistered nuns not to use the internet to escape the life of contemplation. Mick Jagger was expecting the arrival of his eighth son at age seventy-three. The Unquenchable Fire of Rock-and-Roll’s Most Sexually Active Great-Grandfather. Reduced to fewer and fewer pages, and printed on the cheapest possible paper, newspapers literally began to fall apart in their readers’ invariably aged hands. They ran opinion pieces on politics and terrorism, or devoted entire pages to horoscopes and Egyptian tarot readings. In Nice, the driver of a truck prayed to God, took a selfie and posted it on Facebook before unleashing terror and mayhem. Ask the Oracle of Ammon whatever you want to know. A German climbed the outside of the tallest building in Barcelona to catch a Pokémon. Your past is buried inside the Great Pyramid. Horror and idiocy flooded the headlines in equal measure. A Dutch man was hospitalized after spending ten days in a Chinese airport waiting for a woman he had met on Facebook.

* * *

INVASIVE SPECIES STRIKE BACK. The trivial and the apocalyptic appeared in such close proximity that they sometimes seemed to turn into each other. Porn actress Carla Mai dies after falling from a window at a party where cocaine was being consumed. Man’s head found in waste treatment plant. The stories in the paper were like disaster movies, and the movie trailers seemed to be about calamities and horrors that were really taking place. The Zombie Apocalypse hits Mexico City once again. The world unites to save the Earth from an alien invasion and the total extinction of the human race. Cleveland pays five million dollars in compensation for the death of a Black boy shot dead by police while playing with a toy gun. It was the summer that I was without a permanent address for several months. We moved from hotels to borrowed houses or to other cities, carrying backpacks with our laptops and notebooks and dragging behind us a massive suitcase, a whale of a bag that got heavier and took up more space with each passing day. Five hoodlums between the ages of fifteen and twenty-two terrorize moviegoers at a shopping mall in Fuenlabrada.

* * *

ONCE NIGHT FALLS YOU’RE NO LONGER SAFE. I was reading Baudelaire, Thomas De Quincey, Lorca, Fernando Pessoa, and Walter Benjamin as if I was twenty and had never read them before. The pranksters put on masks and went into a theater that was screening Ride Along 2. Shouting “Allah is great,” they threw firecrackers and backpacks into the crowd, panicking terrorized patrons who had gone to see a lighthearted comedy and now thought they were