SECRETS, LIES, AND MURDER ROCK AN ENGLISH VILLAGE IN DEBBIE HOWELLS’ RIVETING NEW PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER
“I live in a village of stone walls and tall trees, a place of cold hearts and secrets . . .”
When Elise Buckley moved with her family to Abingworth, it was supposed to be a new start. She hoped the little English village, with its scattering of houses, pub, and village church, wouldn’t offer enough opportunity for her doctor husband, Andrew, to continue having affairs. Apparently, she was wrong. Now Elise’s only goal is to maintain the façade of a happy homelife for their teenage daughter, Niamh.
When the body of Niamh’s best friend, Hollie, is found, the entire village is rocked. Elise, though generally distrustful since Andrew’s infidelity, believed that Hollie was loved by her father and stepmother. Yet there was something unsettling beneath the girl’s smile. As the police investigation stalls amid disjointed evidence, it’s Niamh who unknowingly holds the key . . .
Flitting between the villagers’ lives, silent and unseen, Niamh is learning about the relationships and secrets that surround her—including those close to home. And as her daughter edges closer to a killer, Elise realizes that the truth may eclipse even her worst suspicions . . .
Praise for Debbie Howells and Her Novels “A nail-biter from British author Howells. . . . Fans of psychological thrillers will be rewarded.” --Publishers Weekly on Her Sister’s Lie
“A combination of lyrical writing and smart mystery. It's a winner.” —Sandra Block on The Beauty of the End
“An intriguing dark psychological thriller—truly brilliant!” —Lisa Jackson on The Bones of You
“Has been compared to Alice Sebold’s The Lovely Bones.Unusual and haunting.” —Library Journal on The Bones of You
As the aircraft accelerates down the runway and takes off for London, from my crew seat I watch the woman in front of me. Her blond hair is shoulder length, her eye makeup minimal, her lips red. I envy the biker jacket over the green dress she’s wearing, as I’m drawn to a line on the cover of the magazine she’s reading. Only ten percent of people are good. Ten percent . . . It’s a small number. I frown, trying to work out if I’m one of them.
The ground falls away and I glance through the window as the world shrinks and snowcapped mountains come into view. Then the seat belt sign goes out and I get up, glancing for a moment down the length of the aircraft. One hundred and twenty-three faces seeing my neatly pinned-back hair and mask of immaculate makeup, my navy uniform dress and smart shoes. One hundred and twenty-three lives I know nothing about, just as they know nothing about mine.
As I set up the drinks trolley, the statistic on the magazine cover stays with me, and I think about how many people cause suffering to others. I used to believe that extreme behavior could be explained by abusive childhoods or desperation or personality disorders—and sometimes it can. But that was before I realized people have choices; make decisions. That innate brutality exists.
The passengers are mostly students in big coats and running shoes; blank-looking business travelers; wealthy Italians in designer wear. As I serve cups of tea, I’d usually imagine them as parents, families, friends, vacationers. But today, as I look at their faces, I’m wondering which of them are in the ten percent. It’s impossible to tell. None of us know what we’re capable of in extreme circumstances.
Now and then, I glance through a window to take in the bird’s-eye view I never tire of, a world that’s endlessly beautiful. Beneath a pale blue sky, mountains have given way to a sea of snowfields, broken here and there by a circular town or a spider’s web of serpentine roads; by monolith chimneys from which vertical smoke rises, scored into the whiteness. Over northern France, the snow reduces to an icing-sugar dusting. Then as we start our approach into London, as the clouds thicken, the reality of my life comes flooding back.
While the passengers disembark; on the crew bus to the crew room; on another bus that takes me to the parking lot, I wear the mask. Only when I’m alone in my car does it slip. As I leave the airport perimeter road, I open the window and light a cigarette, suspending my reality for as long as I can: of the neighbors who think they know me; my cheating husband whose patients think he’s God; my changeling daughter, who lives in her own world; our family life tenuously held together by my silent promise.
Abingworth is a thirty-minute drive from the airport. As I turn off the main road, I light another cigarette, my eyes narrowing when I think of Andrew, wondering who she is; grateful for small mercies. As far as I know, this is his fourth, though I’ve no reason to believe there haven’t been more. So far, she’s been discreet. The humiliation of not being enough for your husband is multiplied a hundredfold when everyone else knows.
Slowing down as I reach the village, I pass the sign reading ABINGWORTH. When we moved here five years ago, it was with a tacit agreement that this was a chance for a new start. But under no illusions, I made another silent promise, to myself. If Andrew cheated on me once more, I’d make him pay.
Now, as I drive toward our house, I try to remember the feeling I had back then. Hope, weighted with mistrust, a jaded anger with my husband, a need to protect my family. It isn’t Niamh’s fault her parents’ marriage is a mess. I’ve learned the hard way not to trust Andrew; that the most practiced liars hide behind blank eyes and cold smiles; wield blame, criticism, and belittlement to mold their world and everyone in it.
Slowing down, I turn into our lane, then through tall gateposts into our driveway, feeling my tension ease. The garden is surrounded by flint walls, the cedar trees in front of the house giving it seclusion, privacy. There’s no sign of Andrew’s car. My relief that I’m alone is instantly squashed by the thought that’s never far from my mind. He could be with her.
At one time, I would have phoned his practice, desperate, cobbling together an excuse for calling when I didn’t need to, but I no longer care enough. Today, I park by the back door and take my crew bag inside, thinking about the three days off I have, imagining tidying the house and going for a run; catching up with one or two friends before next week’s flight schedule starts. Maybe I’ll take Niamh shopping and get her out of those awful velour leggings she lives in. Maybe Andrew will dump his lover. Actually see me properly. See Niamh. See anyone but that fucking bitch he’s sleeping with. But even if he did, I’m not sure I’d want him. Swallowing hard, I blink away the hot tears filling my eyes, hating how the thought of him makes me feel.
In the kitchen, my heart skips a beat as I see the light flashing on the house phone. I leave it until I’ve showered and changed, until I’ve made myself a cup of coffee. Putting it off until I can’t. When I play the message, there are no distinguishable words, just a faint crackle. After it plays through, I delete it, then retrieve the caller’s number, my blood like ice in my veins. I write it down with shaking hands, knowing it’s his most recent lover. It’s what always happens. It’s just a question of when.
There is no escape from my husband’s betrayal. Even in my home, I’m surrounded by the ghosts of his lovers leaving their silent messages of possession. Most women would have left, but I haven’t. Not yet. But I will. The only way through this is to wear the mask. Hide the truth from Niamh, let Andrew do what he wants to do, knowing the day will come, one way or another, when it ends for good. Picking up my mug, I sip my coffee, finding it cold, bitter. My hands still trembling, I hurl it at the wall.
As I get off the school bus, cold air rustles the leaves and blows my hair across my face; I feel the first spots of rain. While I walk up the lane, no traffic passes by. I live in a village of tall trees and stone walls, on a road to nowhere; a place of cold hearts and secrets. My stop’s the last. No one gets off with me.
“Hey, Cat.” Each day, the cat waits, a motionless sentry perched on the wall at the side of the road, his yellow eyes unblinking, his black head battle-scarred. His presence is an honor, rather than a given. A cat belongs to no one but himself.
By the time I turn into our drive, he’s vanished. Gravel crunches under my feet as I walk toward the house. It’s gray, austere, softened only by the wisteria that, in spring, is covered with racemes of lilac.
As I walk around the side to the back door, music from the radio drifts outside. In the kitchen, my mother’s wearing jeans and a wide-necked sweater that slides off one of her tanned shoulders.
“I need some money for the science trip,” I tell her, putting down my school bag and getting juice from the fridge, before going to the pantry for a bag of potato chips. Opening it, I take a handful, watching her leaf through today’s mail; her hand pausing on a letter, her intake of breath; the perceptible paling of her skin.
“It’ll have to wait, Niamh. I don’t have any cash.” She adds, “Don’t eat all of those.”
Taking another handful, I ignore her. “Whatever. You can pay online. Probably easier.” I shrug as her phone buzzes, her face closing over as she picks it up and glances at the screen.
“Remind me later, honey. I have to get this.” There’s a catch in her voice.
I stare at her. “Who is it?”
In the time it takes her to respond, the hairs on the back of my neck prickle. “No one you know. A friend.” As she glances in my direction, I notice the semitone rise in sharpness in her voice, the five seconds of fake brightness in her smile. Turning her back, only when she’s out of earshot does she start talking.
That’s when I know it’s another of her lies. She’ll tell herself I haven’t noticed anything wrong, then forget all about it. My mother sees what she wants to see. But I know the password on her phone. I can find out who’s called if I want to.
Taking the chips, I go outside, shaking off my uneasiness as I wander down to the end of the garden that borders the road, wondering if all families lie to each other. Pulling myself up onto the same flint wall where the cat was waiting for me just minutes ago, I envy the simplicity of his life, his past forgotten, his future uncontemplated; his only concern the eternal present.
As cars pass, I watch the people inside them, just as I watch everyone, see unreadable faces, imagine sunlight bouncing off their armor. Like my father in his doctor’s office, my mother in her airline uniform, all of them are practiced, unemotional, closed.
From under the shadow of the eucalyptus tree, I look across the lane into the Addisons’ garden. Through the branches, I can just about make out dimly lit windows, hear faint strains of violin concerto drift across the lawn.
The breeze picks up and I shiver. Slipping down, I cross the road, wandering past their drive toward the next, registering the absence of cars parked there, the closed curtains in the windows. It’s the kind of house I’d like to live in one day, with sharp lines and a modern glass extension, sparsely planted with spiky plants and grasses.
The Enfields, who live here, are away in their vacation home in Marbella. I make my way across their garden, hidden from next door by the fringe of silver birch trees that separate their drives. At the back of the house, no one sees me peer in through the window at the bland interior with white sofas and no photographs. It’s a house without an identity, not a home.
It’s dark when Hollie appears in my bedroom doorway. Her hair is windswept. I can tell from her eyes she’s been crying. Staring at her face, I know before she tells me what’s wrong.
“Your dad?” I ask. He’s the only person Hollie cares about. She nods, words, tears, snot, pouring out of her as she starts to blubber. I watch, fascinated. I’ve never seen anyone cry like Hollie does.
“He was talking to someone on his phone.” Her hair gets in the way as she breaks off to wipe her face on her sleeve. “Whoever it was, they’re a bastard.” There’s hatred in her voice. Not wanting my mother to hear, I glance toward the open door.
I lean toward her, curious. “What were they talking about?”
Her lip wobbles. “I can’t tell you.” Then her shoulders start to shake. “I can’t tell anyone! Do you know how that feels? To know something no one else will ever believe?”
I stare at her, appalled. I’ve no idea what she’s talking about. “You can tell me, Hollie.”
She shakes her head. “I can’t. You’re too young.” Coming over, she awkwardly strokes my hair, before perching on the end of my bed as she tries to get control over herself. When she turns to look at me, her face is tearstained. “Have you ever found out something really shocking?”
I frown. “Like when someone dies, you mean?”
“Worse.” She whispers it, her eyes huge. There’s a silence before she takes a deep breath. “There’s someone I thought I could trust. With anything. With my life. And now...” She breaks off again, her body shaking with silent sobs, while I wait for her to stop.
“It’s happening again.” Her eyes are wild as she stares at me. “I don’t know what to do, Niamh. I can’t tell anyone.”
The new message on the house phone unsettles me. I have an hour or so before Niamh’s bus gets back. The sky threatens rain but I pull on running clothes and shoes, needing to shift the sense of unease hanging over me.
Slipping the back-door key into a zip pocket, I pull up my collar and walk briskly down the drive onto the lane, breaking into a run as I reach the main road, the cold clinging to my hands, my cheeks; running harder, feeling the slow spread of heat thaw them.
Through the village, I see no one. Windows are closed and dark, drives are empty. Only as I pass Ida Jones’s house are there signs of life: the warm glow from her downstairs windows, the wood smoke spiraling from her chimney. The thought comes to me. Ida knows everyone around here. Maybe she knows who she is.
I could ask her, but not today. Without stopping, I carry on past the last houses, where a footpath slopes down through woods and across a stream, then up the other side to the village church. Under the trees, the path is dark and muddy, fallen leaves making it slippery underfoot, and I pick my way carefully, winding my way down, then over the narrow bridge, before coming out of the trees into the churchyard. Here, amongst the dead, I stop.
The graves have become familiar to me. My eyes pass over their inscriptions as I walk through them, always pausing in the same place to read words I know by heart about a life that ended too soon. Never forgotten. Most days, I find a sense of peace here, but today, I’m thinking of the magazine statistic again. Only ten percent of people are good. The rest are like Andrew—they do what they want, or whatever it takes to sate blind ambition, to slake lust.
As I stand there, a desperate sense of hopelessness washes over me. Instead of fighting my tears, I let them stream down my cheeks. I used to have hopes and dreams, but nothing in my life has worked out as I’d imagined it would. Now, I’m driven by Niamh’s future. It’s the only thing in my pointless world that’s important to me.
“You haven’t forgotten tonight, have you?” Without explaining why he’s late, Andrew hangs up his coat and walks into the kitchen to put the kettle on, but he never justifies anything. Even off duty, his characteristic air of authority never leaves him.
My heart sinks as I remember. He’s talking about the end of January drinks in the pub—a village tradition, after a month off alcohol. I had forgotten. If I hadn’t, I’d have invented an excuse, but it’s too late for that. “I had, actually.” I pause, wanting to say I’m too tired. It’s true—I had an early start this morning. Instead, I glance at the clock. It’s seven thirty. “What time is everyone meeting?”
“Eight.” Changing his mind, Andrew switches off the kettle and uncorks a bottle of red wine.
“Fine.” My mind is restless. I’m thinking, if I’m right, if she lives locally, the chances are she’ll be there. Right now, it’s too good an opportunity to miss. “I’ll just change.”
Pulling on a black tunic over my jeans, I knot a pale scarf over it, then brush my hair and touch up my makeup. The spritz of perfume is defiant, reflecting my mood. As I go downstairs, there’s music coming from the sitting room. I push the door open enough to see Niamh slumped on the sofa, and Hollie sprawled on the rug in front of the fire. Neither of them looks at me.
“We’re just going out, girls. We won’t be late.” My voice is intentionally light, painting a picture that Andrew and I are off on a cozy evening out.
Niamh turns briefly, hair the color of flax falling across her face. “OK, Mum.” Her words are expressionless, her eyes blank, as they mirror mine. Not for the first time I berate myself for not being the kind of mother who hugs, laughs, jokes. Hideous guilt paralyzes me for not being able to make everything right in her world.
I look at Hollie. “Are you staying, Hollie?”
Hollie Hampton lives at the other end of the village from us. At sixteen, she’s two years older than Niamh, but they’re kindred spirits somehow, probably because of shared pain. Riveted to the television, Hollie nods imperceptibly, pulling her long dark hair over one of her thin shoulders. Elfin-faced, with her translucent skin, frayed jeans under a pale silver dress, she’s diaphanous.
“Are your parents going to the pub?”
This time, she doesn’t speak, just shrugs.
“There are snacks in the cupboard if you’re hungry,” I remind them. “See you later, girls.”
Pushing the door closed behind me, I go to find Andrew. In the hallway, he’s already wearing his coat. He barely glances at me. “Ready?”
His tone is brusque. I nod, pulling on a jacket and knitted hat, trying to remember the last time my husband was affectionate toward me.
We walk to the pub in silence. The air is damp, the drops of rain from earlier yet to turn into anything more. For some reason, Hollie’s on my mind. Her father, James, is a writer; her stepmother, Stephanie, is a florist. But in the last couple of years, Hollie’s seemed troubled. I’ve seen it when she appears at the door, uninvited, as if she has nowhere else to go; the way sometimes she’s quiet as if her mind is far away, while other days emotions race across her face like clouds across a sky. I’ve seen her running through the fields, her hair flowing behind her, almost a romantic figure, until you see the angst in her eyes.
Hands in my pockets, I hurry through the darkness, trying to keep up with Andrew’s brisk, staccato steps, like everything about him, deliberate, purposeful. I wonder if he’s thinking of her. When he speaks, it takes me by surprise.
“We should plan a holiday, Elise. I’m thinking about Dubai.”
For the second time today, I’m hit by shock. I should be delighted, but instead, I’m outraged, upset, cynical; smothering the urge to flail my fists into the softness of his overcoat, to scream at him, Why this pretense, when we both know you want to be with her? It’s replaced by numbness. There’s no point in my outrage. He’s playing a game with me, goading me. He doesn’t want me. There’s no going back to how we used to be.
I put my hands in my pockets. “Let’s see, shall we?” I know my cool response won’t be what he’s expecting.
“You’re always saying you want me to make more effort,” he says through gritted teeth. “But the trouble with you, Elise, is that it’s always one bloody way—your way.”
Angst rises inside me. It’s so far from the truth, but he never listens to what I say. But this is what Andrew does. Twists everything, until black is white, light is dark. Words fill my head, words I stuff down unspoken, because there’s no point when he stores away everything I say to use against me.
From the moment I first met Hollie, I knew she was different. She was in the churchyard, standing with her back to me. I noticed her long dark hair, her pale skin as she turned around when a twig cracked under my foot.
I stared at her for a moment. In her thin white dress, she looked delicate, as though the wind could blow her away. “I’m Niamh.”
Her wide eyes darted around before settling on mine. “I’m Hollie.”
“I know.” Imagining Hollie as a ghost surrounded by the silent graves between us, I felt myself shiver. I was about to walk away, but curiosity got the better of me. “Are you OK?”
As she nodded, I saw loneliness in her eyes. The first raindrop fell on my skin. Then as more started to fall, I glanced up at the sky just as the heavens opened.
Hollie nodded toward the church. “Maybe we should go in.”
I nodded, following her toward the wooden door, which creaked open as she lifted the heavy latch. In the doorway watching the deluge, neither of us spoke for a moment.
“I like your dress.” My words were almost drowned out by the rain falling on the tiled roof as I gazed at her, her dress translucent where the rain had caught it.
She didn’t reply. Instead, I watched her shiver. “You can feel them, can’t you?” she asked, her arms tightly hugging herself. I could tell from the way her eyes roamed across the churchyard, she was talking about the souls of the dead.
I nodded, imagining the heartbreak of their families lingering in the air, wondering if after enough time passed, the rain washed it away.
“Do you ever think about all the people who’ve come here? The christenings, weddings, funerals...” Her words echoed through the church as she fell silent. “My mum died. I was ten. I wasn’t allowed to go to her fune. . .
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