Prologue
Stolen
The sweetness of the chocolate and vanilla swirl coated his tongue as soon as he took a lick.
He loved ice cream.
His mommy knew just how much, too. It was why every time she dragged him to the big building with all the busy stores, and the even bigger parking lot, she bought him an ice cream cone.
Because he’d been a good boy.
He hated this place, but sometimes it was worth going with her just to get his special treat. It had to be a swirl.
He followed his mommy out the doors and into the night, his sticky fingers leaving marks on the glass. His mommy had taught him to look both ways before stepping out into the street so he didn’t get smashed by a car.
This wasn’t really a street, but cars still drove on it. Sometimes really fast.
Most of the time she made him hold her hand so he’d keep up. She told him it was because he got “distracted.” He didn’t understand what she meant.
Tonight her hands were so full with bags, she couldn’t hold his.
One time when she wasn’t holding his hand, he forgot to look. She grabbed his elbow, jerked him back onto the sidewalk, yanked his arm straight up and swatted his butt really hard.
He didn’t like that.
It made him cry.
She cried, too, and tried to hide it. But he saw it and it made him cry more.
He didn’t like when his mommy was sad.
When Daddy left, she cried all the time.
He’d climb into her lap and put his hand on her wet cheeks and ask why she was crying. Did she miss Daddy?
She’d hug him close and never answer him. But the hug felt good, because he missed his daddy, too.
Julian didn’t know what he did wrong to make his daddy never come back. His mommy would tell him he didn’t do anything, but Julian didn’t believe her.
Maybe he’d been bad. Maybe Daddy was mad at him.
Now Daddy was gone, Mommy always brought him with her to this place.
The place with all the people and cars.
The place where he sometimes got spanked, but also got ice cream.
His favorite kind.
He looked both ways again because he couldn’t remember if he already did. Maybe that was what Mommy meant by him being “distracted.”
Sometimes he had to think really, really hard to follow what she said or remember what she taught him, so he wouldn’t get a spanking.
She always said those spankings were for his own good. So, he guessed that was okay.
He wanted to be good for his mommy so she wouldn’t leave, too.
Because if she left, he’d be all alone.
He didn’t want to be alone. Being alone was scary.
If he was alone, no one would talk to him.
Without his mommy, he wouldn’t get any more chocolate and vanilla swirled ice cream.
When he saw no cars coming, he jumped off the sidewalk onto the lane where the cars drove. Where he could be smashed.
He ran to catch up to his mommy.
She was talking on her phone and walking so fast! Why wasn’t she waiting for him?
He couldn’t run and lick his ice cream cone at the same time. He had to walk slowly and be careful.
The ice cream began to drip, so he stopped and licked his hand. When he looked up again, he knew he had to catch up. She’d be mad if he got too far behind.
“Julian, let’s go! It’s late.” She was still walking and talking. She wasn’t waiting for him.
With a last lick of his cone and another lick at another fat milky drop on his hand, he began to run again and his shoelace started to flap. Mommy needed to tie it for him.
“My sneaker—” He stumbled when he stepped on his lace. He almost fell but caught himself so he didn’t skin his knees. It always burned when he did that.
When his arms went out like an airplane to stop from falling, his ice cream cone tumbled from his fingers. His mouth made an O as he watched it plop upside down onto the pavement.
He stared at the mess it made, and his ice cream began to make brown and white octopus legs around the cone as it melted.
His eyes began to sting just like when she spanked him. “I d-dropped my ice cream, M-mommy!”
“Julian! Hurry up!” She sounded mad now.
But he dropped his ice cream! He wasn’t done with it.
With every step his mother took, she got farther and farther away.
She always spent way too long inside the big building. Way too long inside those stores.
Sometimes it wasn’t worth the ice cream.
Like now.
Because he dropped it.
He squatted down and picked up the cone, but none of the ice cream came with it. It was almost all a muddy puddle now. The cone had broken, too.
“Mommy!” A sob bubbled up his chest and he let it out. He didn’t care if anyone thought he was a baby. “Mommy!”
His heart was beating so fast and he had a hard time seeing Mommy since he was crying.
He stood up and, with one last look at his ruined treat, he began to walk again, trying not to trip. His lace whipped around like a snake he saw at the zoo. He watched as it flipped back and forth with each step.
Flip. Flop.
It was fun.
“Mommy!” he called. He couldn’t remember where their car was. He could never remember. “Mommy!”
“Julian, come on!” she called out as she stepped back out from between two parked cars. She was no longer talking on her stupid phone and the bags were on the ground at her feet.
He tried to run again but almost tripped. “Mommy, tie my shoe,” he shouted.
As he got closer, she disappeared again between what he finally remembered was their van and another big black van, a lot bigger than theirs.
He stopped and stared at it.
Stranger danger.
That was what Mommy taught him about big vans like that. To stay away from them. To never get in a car with a stranger. To scream if someone tried to get him inside a car or a van.
But their van was parked next to it. That was where Mommy was waiting for him. He didn’t have to worry about the black one. It belonged to someone inside... He stopped and turned to look at the big building. The mall. That was what she called it. He had a hard time remembering.
He spotted his spilled ice cream again, even though the parking lot was full of shadows. He took a breath so big it sucked his belly in and then he pushed all the air back out so he wouldn’t cry again. He rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes and his nose.
Mommy hadn’t seen him crying yet. He didn’t want her to know he wasn’t a big boy. That he was a crybaby. If he told her what happened, maybe she’d stop on the way home and get him another one.
That was what she’d do! Because Mommy loved him. Not like Daddy.
He spun and ran, doing his best not to fall, to the spot where she disappeared.
He stumbled to a stop.
Two men were standing with his mommy.
She looked really scared.
She was crying and her eyes went wide when she spotted him.
Julian didn’t like the way she looked.
He didn’t like the way they were holding her.
She didn’t look happy at all. She looked really upset.
She looked like this after Daddy left.
He couldn’t understand what she was saying because of the man’s hand covering her mouth.
“Mommy?”
The side of the black van was open, and they were trying to put her inside.
Her arms were moving and her feet were kicking. She didn’t like what they were doing. Stranger danger!
She was fighting them so much, it took both of them to shove her into the van.
“Jul—”
A needle appeared in the one man’s hand.
He hated needles! He hated going to the doctor to get shots.
They always gave him ouchies.
He ran over to them to stop them from giving his mommy an ouchie, too.
“Mommy!”
He was too late. The bigger man with the baseball cap and the bushy beard pushed it into Mommy. The other man who was short and fat turned toward Julian.
“What the fuck?” he shouted so loudly, Julian wanted to cover his ears.
“What are you doing to my mommy?”
“Fuck, asshole. She’s got a kid.”
Julian ran to the opening of the van and saw his mommy now lying on her stomach and not moving. There wasn’t a seat in the back like in their own van, she was right on the floor.
Was his mommy sleeping?
Was she dead?
She wasn’t moving. She wasn’t crying. She wasn’t screaming any more. She wasn’t scared.
“Mommy!” He reached for her and the fat man grabbed his arm and yanked him away.
“What the fuck are we gonna do with this kid?”
The tall man shrugged. “Leave him here?”
“We leave him here, someone’s gonna find him and this will be reported.”
“Then we take him with us.”
“And do what with him?”
“Who fucking cares, asshole! We can dump him somewhere, or let the boss deal with him.”
“Don’t think he was part of the deal.”
“Just get the fuck in the van before someone sees us and calls the cops.”
“You told me to take her car.” He held up a set of keys and shook them, making them jingle.
“Then get in her minivan and shut the fuck up. Gonna call the boss and ask what he wants done with him.”
“He’s gonna be pissed.”
“Maybe not. This kid’s the right age. He’s probably worth something.”
“Maybe we can get money for him ourselves.”
“Fuck that. I’m not risking that shit. We’ll let the boss decide.”
“Get in the van, kid,” the tall one demanded.
“I don’t wanna get in the van. I want my mommy!”
“Get in the damn van!” The fat man jerked on his arm.
Julian winced. “Ow!”
Stranger danger.
What did mommy say he was supposed to do?
Yell!
Julian opened his mouth and let out a loud shriek.
A hand clamped over his mouth, stifling his yell. He bared his teeth and bit as hard as he could.
“Fuckin’ A, you little asshole!”
Julian was struck alongside his head.
“Look, kid. We’ll kill her if you don’t cooperate. You need to be a good boy or you’ll never see your mommy again.”
What? He’d never see his mommy again?
Tears began to leak from his eyes.
“You think he understands any of that, asshole? He’s what? Three?”
“He ain’t three. Are ya, kid?”
No, he was four.
That was what his mommy told him when he blew out the candle on his birthday cake. It was ice cream, too. Chocolate and vanilla with chocolate crumbles in between.
But he couldn’t answer, the man’s hand was covering his mouth.
“Doesn’t fucking matter how old he is. We got something to tie his ass up?”
“Need to keep him quiet, too. Can’t be driving and hearing his ass screaming.”
The fat man’s big belly jiggled when he laughed. “Now I’m glad I’m driving her car. Wouldn’t want to listen to that.”
“Let’s get him tied up and gagged then.”
“We need to tie her up, too, in case that shit wears off.”
“It won’t.”
“You wanna risk it?”
He tried getting loose, he tried biting the man’s hand again. Nothing was working.
His mommy still wasn’t moving.
She couldn’t help him.
She couldn’t.
He was supposed to fight and shout, “Stranger danger!”
But he couldn’t.
He hated the mall.
He never wanted to come back here.
Mommy would have to get him ice cream somewhere else from now on.
He wasn’t coming back here again.
He wasn’t.
He needed to wipe his eyes so he could see. He needed to wipe his nose so he could breathe. Snot was filling it and the man’s hand was smearing it.
He was thrown onto the dirty floor of the van and before he could scream again as loud as possible, something was tied tightly around his mouth. It tasted yucky. He’d eaten dirt before and that was what it tasted like.
His arms began to hurt because they were yanked behind his back and his hands couldn’t move anymore. He couldn’t kick because the man tied his legs together.
The big side door slammed shut and the back of the van got darker.
He no longer heard the men talking.
He couldn’t see the front of the van. He could only hear another door opening and slamming shut. Someone starting the van. The rumble of the floor beneath his wet cheek.
He stared at his mommy’s face, making a wish just like he had with his birthday cake. He squeezed his eyes shut really, really hard and wished and wished and wished.
He wished Mommy would help him.
He wished she’d tell him what was happening.
He wished she’d open her eyes.
She didn’t.
None of that happened.
Not until much later.
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